Quickies

So a girl is reading a text while walking down the street and falls in an open man hole and her family is suing because people shouldn't have to take responsibility for their own safety. I should be able to walk down the street with my eyes closed and nothing should happen to me!

Found Michael Jackson's nose! Oops...no I didn't. Just a Brazil nut.

An amateur astronomer discovered that an Earth-sized object crashed into Jupiter. An amateur!!!! You mean all of these professional astronomers at NASA and all these prestigious universities who are getting paid the big bucks missed this!! It was Earth-sized!!! You know what that means if it would have hit the Earth!!!

Why is it split pea soup? Whole peas are too big to fit in a soup?

Michael Vick is reinstated into the NFL. Didn't think he had a doggone chance. Wonder what team will fetch him? They should keep him on a short leash for a few months.

Isn't a near miss a hit?

A Typical Trip to Work

Here is a behind the scenes look into what goes through my head on a typical drive to work:

Did I unplug the iron?

Yeah, that's fine, cross the street without looking! With a baby carriage no less!

What's that smell? Is that coming from inside or outside? It's either the garbage truck in front of me or old french fries I dropped under my seat.

Oooh, look at her! If my daughter dressed like that I'd smack her! Ok, maybe not smack her, but she wouldn't leave the house like that.

ASSHOLE!!! What the hell is wrong with people!!?? What is the rush? Ha! You just weaved in and out of traffic and here we are...next to each other...at the red light. Yeah, don't ignore me...you know I'm right next to you! What is that? A tattoo on your head? Who gets a tattoo on their head? You'll look funny when your 80!

Ooh...I love this song!!! I could feel at the time. There was no way of knowing. Fallen leaves in the night. Why doesn't Roxy Music get back together? Oh, that's right, nobody would go.

Ha! There's a misspelling on that sign! There's no "p" in cholesterol.

OH SHIT!!! IDIOT!!! OH, YOU HAVE TO TURN LEFT AND YOUR IN THE RIGHT LANE SO WE ALL NEED TO SLAM THE BRAKES...WHAT A DAMN...hey, plums are on sale at Whole Foods! I should stop on the way home. But, you know I won't.

That's gay! I'm sorry, but if a guy is walking a dog who is smaller than 3 feet, he's gay! But, what do I know? Maybe he's not. Just whipped maybe. Ha! "Make sure you walk Mitsy before you go!" "Uh...yes dear!" Ha!

Oh look Charming Luxury Apartments. Really! They overlook the Metro Bus Station...how charming!

OOPS! CROSSWALK! Sorry lady I didn't see you!!! So, she's shaking her fist at me. What's she going to do? She's like 72! I should pull over and see what she does...nah, she'll probably kick my ass.

Is that guy wearing a nightgown? I think he is! That's a nightgown! A pink nightgown! That guy is wearing a pink night gown in broad daylight!

Oh, shit! Cop behind me! Damn! 40, down to 35, down to 30. Steady! Steady! Phew, he's turning!

Ah...Ventura Blvd. Finally! Hey, that homeless guy is dressed better than me! His hair ain't bad either.

GO, GO GO!!! DAMN! YOU ALL SUCK!!! We could have made that light. LOSERS! Finally at work! Damn, I forgot my pistachios!! Did I leave the iron on?