Went to the doctor the other day. First time in 4 years. Didn't tell me much new. I have high blood pressure, high triglycerides and high cholesterol. How come high is not good when it comes to health? Hey, I got the highest score in PAC-MAN (I'm dating myself) That's good! I scored high on the SATS! Good! I can jump higher than you! Great!
So anyway, he starts going through all the stuff I should avoid: breads, pastas, sugar-filled snacks, salt-filled snacks and beer~~OUCH! First off as far as I'm concerned, if it doesn't have salt or sugar on it, it ain't no snack. Secondly, why is it always the things that you love that you can't eat? Why don't they ever say, "Try to avoid liver, octopus and prune juice"? "Stay clear of chocolate covered crickets and sauteed monkey brains"? If if it so bad for you, why does your body rejoice when you eat things you like. When you bite into a chocolate chip cookie, your body seems to say "YES!!!!" When you bite into a collage of steamed carrots and cauliflower from a diner your body seems to say, "BOOOORING!"
You would think that the body, being the complex machine it is, would have programmed itself to make the good things in life to eat, the most beneficial. Right?
What about sex? Sex feels good and is good for you. The main function of sex is to keep the human race thriving, therefore, it is logical that sex feels good. Right? If sex felt like banging a nail into the side of your head, most of us wouldn't do it and the human race would have died off long ago. Or exercise even. Ok, maybe exercise takes a little more motivation than sex, but after a good workout, you usually feel good. It feels good and it's good for you. If food tastes good, then it should be good for you. Right? So, the doctor should be saying, "You need to up your pizza and beer intake if you want to be around another 40 years." Yes! That's what I want to hear!
On top of that I was run through a ringer of other tests including my first prostate exam. Doc says, "OK Mr. McGuire, just relax." OH MOMMY! Easy for him to say! Was he reaching for the prostate? Felt more like the adam's apple Then he grabbed my jewels and told me to cough. Believe me, I couldn't help BUT cough! Then, blood work, urine sample, chest x-rays, EKG and then he performed tricky surgery by extracting a few hundred bucks from my bank account.
Anyway, what an experience. I wonder if pistachios are high in cholesterol?
haha. What a traumatic experience. Makes me glad, right this second, that I am not a man. Although I guess the medical establishment gets us too with the um, boobcrusher (aka mammogram).
ReplyDeleteMy whole body screams "YES!!" when it encounters chocolate. I've joked that I should carry Hershey's kisses around the way some people carry aspirin - down when necessary. lol