Down in Front!

Went to the movies the other day. Saw Terminator. I'll have to say, despite the distractions...I'll be back. But, a few ground rules need to be set and I will need all my faithful readers (all 3 of them) to support me in these rules.

Rule 1- This is the most important rule. Don't go to the movies if you don't plan on watching a movie. Going to the movies doesn't mean texting your buddies. If you have read my previous blogs you will know by now, that I'm not a fan of texting. No texting in line at the store, no texting while driving, no texting during sex (I bet it happens) and no texting during the movie. What is so important that it can't wait until Christian Bale is done cursing out some dumb T-800 that wandered on to the set when it wasn't supposed to?

Rule 2- The movie is not a bedroom. No smooching, hands off the asses, thighs etc. And I'm not saying this because I'm jealous. I'm saying this because I paid $11 for the movie and I can't possible watch the two of you and the movie at the same time.

Rule 3- If your hand reaches the bottom of the bag, that means it's empty. No need to crinkle, crumble, crackle or crimple the bag to manuever that last little kernal out. You've had enough anyway as it takes a bull dowser full of pop corn just to fill a small anyway.

Rule 4- Keep all infants at home. If you don't have enough money for the movie and a baby sitter, then stay home and watch Lethal Weapon 4 on TNT. That's the sacrifice you have to take when you have kids. And as for the older kids, 5, 6, 7 years old, if your are in any movie that doesn't start off with with Tinkerbell spreading her pixie dust or that lovable little Pixar desk lamp, then you don't belong there. Parental Discretion doesn't mean, everything is Ok as long as mommy and daddy are here. Cause what's going to happen is little Bobby is going to get bored with Christain Bale's rants and he'll start making farting sounds with his cheeks

Rule 5- Be on time. First of all, the movie never starts on time. You have at least 15 minutes of previews to get through and you still can't make it on time? Then you are going to spend another 5 minutes staring up from the bottom of the stairs trying to see (in the dark) if there are two seats together for you and your tardy date. And don't come up to me and ask me to move over a seat because I have empty seats on each side of me. No! The rule should be, if you are in after the movie starts, you need to sit in the front row. That way you'll have a sore neck all week and that will learn you to be on time next time.

I guess that's all I have time for. I'm sure I can think of a few more. Until then, enjoy the pistachios and leave me the ailse seat. Pis out.