A Pill For Everything

Feeling down and out? Can't sleep? Eat too much? Not performing well in bed? No worries, there is a pill for that. Nowadays the airwaves are filled with magic pills to take care of everything. After watching these commercials over and over, you start to wonder if you really do have a problem. Maybe I am depressed, fat or can't get it up! The side effects and cautions for these medicines are sometimes worse than the thing they are supposed to be treating. Lunesta, for example is supposed to help you sleep, but warns that walking, eating, driving or engaging in other activities with out remembering have been known to occur with sleep medicines. WHAT! That sounds pretty important. Yeah, I woke up in the drive-thru at Taco Bell with part of a triple layered nachos order in my lap and mild sauce all over my face (cause I'm still a wimp even when I'm sleeping). Other activities??? Like what...robbing a bank? Then we have at least 3 pills you can take if you can't get an erection. Poor guys. A girl can sneeze around me and I...uh, never mind. Anyway, these pills warn that persons who have an erection lasting more than 4 hours, call your physician. I can't imagine that conversation. They also say to contact your doctor if you have sudden loss of vision or hearing. No shit? Loss of vision might be good sometimes as sex is a lot uglier than it feels. But, how do you know what the cure to the hearing loss is if you can't hear the doctor they tell you to call? It's also a shame that they have to tell you that Viagra and Cialis don't prevent HIV and other STDs. Some pill commercials come on and they never tell you what the product is for. They just show someone walking through a field of daisies and say, If you think Pill X is right for you, talk to your physician. If this pill makes me feel like I'm walking through a field of daises all the time, then I will have to see if counter acts with my allergy pills. Lexapro is for anxiety. "Should I take it? What if it doesn't work? What if it does work? Ooh, what should I do?" And lastly, there are a number of ant-depression pills out there. One says, "suicidal thoughts may increase when taking anti-depressants." Boy, they are really trying to eliminate the problem! My diagnosis, take two pistachios and call me in the morning. Pis out.