When I Grow Up...

So I'm 42 now and deciding what I want to be when I grow up. When I was a kid, I was sure I wanted to be an archaeologist digging up Fred Flintstone and fossilized dino poop (I promised a friend there would be poop in my next blog because poop is always good for a laugh). As I grew older my passion for finding a T-Rex in my back yard faded (the fact that T-Rex roamed mostly western North America played a part in my giving up also, since I lived in Philly at the time). Then I went into the police officer phase. Chasing bank robbers down the street yelling "Freeze or I'll shoot!" In the UK the police yell, "Freeze or I'll yell freeze again!" (only the special Armed Units carry guns there). But, those dreams have come to pass and after 15 years as a film developer, I am finally doing what I went to school to do...write and edit. Boring, aye. Well, if being a film developer all those years has taught me one thing it's that people general live boring lives. Pictures of grandma, pictures of the cat, pictures of the dog, pictures of the dog and cat with grandma. But every once in awhile I would see a photo that grabbed my attention and I would say, "I didn't know a person could do that with one of those...interesting!" I also learned in those 15 years that most of humanity should keep their clothes on. "Is that a diffuser spot? Oops, no...that's part of her." Anyway, what do I really want to do? There are some interesting jobs out there. For example, I could be a Wrinkle Chaser. No, it's not what you think. This job involved ironing wrinkles out of new shoes so they are smooth when you buy them. Or how about a Feng Shui consultant. They come to your house to make sure you and your spouse are living harmonious. I wonder if any of them have had a frying pan thrown at them? I always thought being a Zamboni driver would be fun. Imagine taking one of those on the highway! It would be a hit at 5 miles per hour during rush hour. There is an Odor Tester. They test to see if your arm pits stink after applying deodorant. EEWWW! Some people have the fetish though. How about a job writing fortunes for fortune cookies. You have fun with that. Imagine writing something like "Don't eat the Kung Pao chicken" or "I see antacids in your future." Hmm...I wonder if you can fit tiny fortunes in pistachios? I wonder...Pis out.